Things you'll think about when you're avoiding a Cinnabon
When it takes you six hours to fly across the country, and you’re doing everything you can to avoid the Cinnabon stand during your layover, you'll have a lot of time to think. I needed a distraction on my westbound flight because when I arrived in St. Louis, I learned my next leg was on the same airplane, which you'd think would be convenient.
The airline still made me get off the plane, turn around at the gatehouse, and stand in line to reboard. Meanwhile, I saw them take my bag off the plane, sit it on the tarmac and return it two minutes later.
I held out against the Cinnabon, even when my bag was delayed at my final destination for 30 minutes because the Commander in Chief was in town. The airport had a ground stop during his fundraising event. Seriously. But still no Cinnabon.
Anyway, back to mindless thoughts.
Why are airline seatbelt buckles under the right armrest? It’s like trying to stick your hand in the garbage disposal to pull something out.
Why do smoke alarm batteries only go bad in the middle of the night and start beeping?
Why isn’t Thousand Island low-calorie dressing called 500 Island dressing?
Why does the government exempt food and energy prices from calculating core inflation rates? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but gasoline and groceries are a big part of the budget in our home. (The official answer is food and energy prices are too volatile or fluctuate wildly. Telling me that is like telling Noah about the flood.)
Why is it that when I want to turn left out of a parking lot, the biggest pickup in the county is always there on my right to block my vision of oncoming traffic from the left?
Why do people keep using the word “irregardless?” It’s "regardless."
Why do small four-cylinder, front-wheel drive cars have rear wings? Don’t they know the wings are useless since the front tires are pulling the car and the rear tires aren’t pushing it?
Why do they call it Half & Half, when it’s really two-thirds milk and one-third cream?
Why doesn’t the NCAA basketball tournament committee get Google Maps? Duke played North Carolina State for the South Region Championship last Sunday in Dallas, which really isn’t in the South. The Duke and North Carolina State campuses are 24 miles apart from each other, but they were forced to play 1,185 miles away on a neutral floor. And that’s not even the worst of it. Alabama played Clemson for the West Region Championship, yes the West, in Los Angeles. I guess it was more of a home game for Alabama since the Crimson Tide was only 2,022 miles away from home and Clemson had to travel 2,311 miles. But since the cost of fuel doesn’t factor in inflation, it really doesn’t matter.
Why do people keep using apostrophes to make a noun plural? An apostrophe makes it possessive. Boy’s means it belongs to a boy, not there is more than one boy.
Why do people think it’s all right to use a handicap placard even if the handicapped person it’s assigned to isn’t inside the car? The placard comes with a separate registration, and the person listed on that registration must be in the car. You don’t handicap the car. The Kansas Speedway stopped every car in the handicap lot ahead of a race one year and checked every registration. The police confiscated more than 200 placards and issued tickets to people who were using the placards to get better parking spots. Maybe we should suggest a wink, wink, nudge, nudge ahead of the Clay County Agricultural Fair …
And finally, why do I spend so much time thinking about things like this?
get social